"My Fear Was Bigger Than the Actual Thing": A Woman Shares Her Reflections on Freezing Eggs with Endometriosis
Anna, 36, recently froze her eggs in the SF Bay Area . For her, the decision was complicated by an endometriosis diagnosis a few years and a lost fallopian tube and an ovary as a result of that.
In this post, I interviewed Anna, who recently went through the egg freezing process. For her, the decision was complicated by an endometriosis diagnosis, a lost fallopian tube and ovary as a result of that, and uncertainty about whether she wanted biological children. She shares her story of navigating fear, advocating for her health, and finding unexpected empowerment through the process.
Q: Anna, thanks so much for sharing your story. To start, can you tell me what first got you thinking about egg freezing and when?
A: Anna: I’m 36 now, and I froze my eggs just after my birthday. But I really started thinking about it when I was 34. I’m in a long-term relationship with a woman, and for a while, I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to have biological children. The big turning point for me was when my nephew was born. It was just so moving. Our mom passed away about 10 years ago, and when I looked at this little boy, I saw my mom in him. It really made me start considering the possibility more seriously.
Q: A major part of your story is your endometriosis diagnosis. Can you walk me through how you discovered you had it? It sounds like it was quite a dramatic experience.
A: Anna: It was. Sometime before the pandemic, I ended up in the ER with severe pain due to endometriosis. I hadn’t had a diagnosis before despite repeated severely painful periods and multiple ultrasounds. My gynecologist actually came to visit me at the ER. An ultrasound showed a huge cyst, which finally led to the endo diagnosis. They told me we needed to do surgery. During that surgery, I lost a fallopian tube and an ovary. It was a huge shock. I suspect my endometriosis might be genetic. My mom likely had it. My ER experience happened after she had passed away, so I could only gather this from my dad. He recalled she’d always had extremely painful periods, so she was put on birth control to suppress the pain. She ended up getting pregnant on birth control and had four kids back to back, which ended up curing her endo. My two sisters don't have it, though.
Q: How did such a major surgery, what was the treatment plan, and how did that affect you?
A: Anna: The standard recommendation to prevent the cyst from growing back is to get on birth control. For me, that was a disaster. The birth control made me so emotionally unstable. Over a period of six months, I tried several different pills, but it was the same result. It just wasn't working for me, so I stopped. I was living on the East Coast at the time and decided to try Chinese medicine as a last resort. The cyst did grow a bit, but for a good period, I wasn't in pain, and I felt I could manage the endo through herbal medicine and lifestyle changes.
Q: So you're managing the endo, but you and your partner aren't ready for kids yet. What was the final push that made you decide, “Okay, it’s time to do this”?
A: Anna: I knew the cyst might grow back, and I was aware that my best chance to preserve my fertility was to do it sooner rather than later. I kept putting it off because I was really scared. It felt like such a huge commitment, and I was just settling into a new phase of life. It could make my endo worse. Plus, it’s expensive. But I decided to do it as a gift to myself for my 36th birthday. I went into it with very low expectations. We went to one clinic first, and the doctor was fine, but he only saw four follicles, though he thought we could find 10 eggs since the large cyst might block him from seeing more follicles. We ended up going with a clinic affiliated with a research university. I felt better there, and I liked the doctors, even though they were less optimistic.
Q: What was the actual egg freezing process like, especially given your concerns about endometriosis being fueled by estrogen? (For context, one’s estrogen is supposed to rise significantly in response to the hormone injections during the egg freezing process)
A: Anna: The doctors said that while the process might puncture the cyst during egg retrieval, it should be fine. And thankfully, the cyst never grew during the hormone cycle. I was a little bloated, but honestly, the bloating after the retrieval was way worse. The most surprising part for me was how I felt emotionally. I felt so good on estrogen! I was calm, centered, and almost spiritual. My partner was amazing and did most of the injections for me. It was an incredibly empowering experience. My fear was so much bigger than the actual thing.
Q: The doctors weren't very optimistic during your initial consultation. What were the final results of your retrieval?
A: Anna: It was amazing. They retrieved 16 follicles, and 11 of them were mature eggs. From my perspective, after being told to expect so little, and given the fact I only have one ovary, this was a huge success. I was thrilled. I also got so much more information about my body. They found endometriosis polyps in my uterus, which means my partner might be the better candidate to carry a baby when we decide to have one. And I learned there’s a chance they could potentially unblock my remaining fallopian tube in the future, which means I could ovulate normally and opt in the IUI procedure to conceive. I just felt so good about the whole outcome.
Q: That's an incredible result. How did going through this, and getting such positive news, change your perspective on family building?
A: Anna: It changed everything. Because I got better results than I ever imagined, I felt like a weight had been lifted. I suddenly cared less about having a kid that carries my specific genes. Knowing I have these eggs and that I could do IVF if we wanted to gives me so much freedom. Going through this with my partner made me realize I’d be completely okay just having her biological babies, or we could do IVF where she carries an embryo created with my egg. I’m so much more flexible now. The pressure is gone.
Q: Looking back on the whole experience, what’s your biggest takeaway? What would you say to other women, especially those with endometriosis, who are considering this?
A: Anna: My final thought is that, like any hard thing in life, it’s way scarier before you actually do it. My fear was so big, but once I started the process, it wasn't nearly as bad as I had built it up to be in my mind. My only regret is that I wish I had done it earlier, when I was younger and wasn't so fearful. And specifically for women with endometriosis, I really hope more of us share our positive stories. It can feel so daunting, but it’s possible to have a successful and empowering experience.